Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.

Domestic violence happens when one person believes they are entitled to maintain coercive control over their partner.

Domestic violence may include emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, using children, threats, using gender privilege, intimidation, isolation, and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation, and power.

Acts of domestic violence generally fall into one or more of the following categories.

Physical battering: physical attacks or aggressive behavior (range from bruising to murder)
Sexual abuse: forced sexual intercourse, unwanted sexual activity
Psychological battering: constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating
the victim from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal property.

Domestic violence escalates

It often begins with threats, name-calling, violence in the victim’s presence (such as punching a fist through a wall), damage to objects or pets. It may escalate to restraining, pushing, slapping, pinching, punching, kicking, biting, or sexual assault. Finally, it may become life- threatening and include choking, breaking bones, or the use of weapons.

The Cycle of Violence: Tension, Crisis or Violent Episode,
& Seductive Calm

TENSION: stress builds, communication breaks down, victims’ senses growing danger and tries to avoid abuse, “minor” violence/abuse occurs, incidents occur more often, intensity increase, batterer denies, minimizes, or blames external factors, victim hopes things will change “somehow”.

CRISIS OR VIOLENT EPISODE: anxiety is extremely high, major controlled violence occurs, batterer is explosive, acute, and unpredictable, serious injuries or death may occur, abuser blames victim, victim adapts in order to survive, victim may escape only to return when crisis is over, abuser may isolate victim physically and emotionally.

SEDUCTIVE CALM: the whole family is in shock at first, abuser may be remorseful, seeking forgiveness, abuse temporarily stops, all are relieved that the crisis has passed, victim is worn down and accepts
promises if offered, children become caretakers to survive or keep the peace, victim wants to believe violence won’t reoccur, abuser’s positive qualities are most evident.

"Across the U.S., 75% of domestic violence-related deaths occur after a victim takes steps to separate from their abuser."

Why do they stay?

On average, more than 3 women and 1 man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day. Intimate partner homicides accounted for 30 percent of the murders of women and 5 percent of the murders of men.

Many people immediately ask, “Why do so many battered victims stay?” The reality is that many try to leave, but leaving does not guarantee safety.

The abuser often becomes more violent after the victim decides to leave. Thousands attempt to leave their abusers every day only to discover they lack the funds and resources to provide necessities for their children and themselves.

The reasons for returning to an abusive partner are complex. Strong cultural pressures may discourage legal separation. Religious convictions may play a significant role in encouraging the victim to forgive their partner’s actions and return home. Many victims, frightened and convinced by their partners’ manipulation and coercive tactics, believe they have no options other than to remain with their partners.

Myths and Facts about Domestic Violence:

Myth: Domestic violence is usually a one-time event, an isolated incident.

Fact: Battering is an ongoing pattern of behavior. It may get worse and more frequent over a period of time.

Myth: When there is violence in the family, all members of the family are participating in the dynamic; therefore, all must change for the violence to stop.

Fact: Only the batterer has the ability to stop the violence. Abuse is a behavioral choice. Changes in family members’ behavior will not cause or influence the batterer to be nonviolent.

Fact: Victims are not limited to women – victims can be men, the elderly, disabled individuals and LGBTQ+.

Fact: Women with disabilities are twice as likely to experience domestic violence as their non-disabled peers. It is estimated that 85% of the female population of persons with disabilities will experience domestic abuse during her lifetime.

Fact: Disabled women experiencing abuse are likely to experience more abuse, for a longer period of time, and receive more substantial injury than their non-disabled peers.

Myth: Teens do not experience dating violence.

Fact: Approximately one in five high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.

Myth: Only children who are physically abused themselves are harmed by living in an abusive household.

Fact: Children, regardless of whether they have experienced abuse directly, are affected by violence in the home. Children who witness abuse display the same emotional responses as children who have been physically and emotionally abused.

Myth: Victims provoke their abusers.

Fact: Batterers use violence or other abusive behavior because they have learned that it can control their partners. Regardless of what a partner does, an abuser’s response is totally his decision.

Myth: Once a batterer, always a batterer.

Fact: Battering behavior is learned behavior that can be unlearned. Behavioral change, however, requires intervention. It is unlikely that a batterer can change by sheer willpower alone.